I am going to go to straight girl hell. Picture evidence of it.
I’ve been thinking this week about the reasons, other than love, that people say “I love you.”
By “you” I mean “a person.” Not actually “you,” per se. By “you” I may even mean “myself.”
You are not in love. You are…..
1. You are worried someone will break up with you. You think “I love you” is a way to ensure your fling/partner/lover will stick around.
2. You are having sex with them, and you’ve got a lot of adrenalin (“excitement” hormone), dopamine (“bonding” hormone), and serotonin (“happiness” hormone) in your brain. *If you argue this “attraction” phase is love, okay, yay. 🙂
3. You are worried you can’t find someone else who will like you as much.
4. You are scared to be alone.
5. You can actually have a meaningful conversation with this person. You’ve never really opened yourself up to anyone before. (Know this: if you’ve opened up to this person, you can find other friends worthy enough to converse with, too!) *Again, if this leads to love, okay, yay!
6. You aren’t sure what love is, because you’ve only really seen it in the movies, and MAYBE between your parents. You’re making out with this person………so you must love them……. right?
7. You have a beautiful image in your mind of what “love” is. Like that it will bring marriage and babies, for example. If you say “I love you” to this person, you believe the image will come true.
8. You want something out of this person, like money, status, or sex, and you think it’ll be easier to get it this way.
9. You have a beautiful image of what this person will do for you. Maybe they will fix your problems, make you happy, or make you popular. You say “I love you” because “I love my idea of you” isn’t as romantic.
Alternatively, you might actually be in love. If so…….. yay!
XO,
EK
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Hi! Elisa,
I can’t resist correcting your biology statements about hormones.
I don’t know where you got your science from, but “adrenalin” is the British word for what we Americans call Epinephrine. Also, dopamine is NOT a bonding hormone; that would be Oxytocin [which incidentally also triggers breast milk let-down, and is produced not just from sex but from hugging, bonding or other activities which promote closeness.] Dopamine is more related to mental concentration and sympathetic stimulation [think caffeine] it is a pre-cursor to Epinephrine and it is increased by taking Cocaine. A low level of Dopamine occurs in Parkinson’s Disease [i.e. Mohammad Ali].
You try to indicate a distinction between “actually being in love” and being high on these hormones; however anyone genuinely in love has a mixture of aforementioned hormones produced which are related to the psychological feelings of closeness and affection for the person.
While you imply that “attraction” is not “real love”, you fail to state then what is “actually love”.
Just trying to promote the perpetual search for truth and
knowledge as usual. 😉
Hi Purple Horse! Thanks for your scientific feedback! I got my information from my own internet research. Perhaps I didn’t use reliable sources. I’ll re-research it and then make corrections. I don’t try to state what is actually love, but I do think that these hormones can wear off – and without a stronger bond underneath it (ie. ability to connect, converse, work through conflict, laugh together, etc) – people are left with nothing. That’s when I read celebrity news and some celebrity is saying, “I woke up one morning and realized I didn’t even know my husband after one year of marriage.” I’ll follow up with a science update. 🙂