Pop Quiz Question: How do you know you’re not 21 years old anymore?
Answer: When you party * on Saturday, and you’re still feeling the effects on a Tuesday.
Of the Week’s Highs: Finishing Draft #1 of my novel. I’m staving off the demons of perfection, so I’m pretending it’s not craptastic as I party ** away the next 6 weeks.
Of the Lows: Going to my friend’s house after celebrating too hard on Saturday, and having to lie on his sofa in order to have a functional, human conversation. Whew. Talk about humbling. It’s Tuesday, and I am still feeling oppressed by my forehead.
For a really embarrassing moment in time, I thought that I could be the “best”….at everything. Or at least, I imagined I could trick people into believing that. Thank GOD Facebook didn’t exist when I was in college, because that ish would’ve been filled with the fakest, most self-aggrandizing updates ever: [insert photo of me onstage, looking appropriately wistful and engaged] ….. “Just another beautiful morning as an artist, making her living off all of her adoring fans!” The internet doesn’t need a record of my once-oversized ego.
Really, there are 7 billion people in the world, so in the grand scheme of it all, I know I am just average. I can live with that. Competing against 7 billion others is a competition with no judge that I will never win. I finished this novel rough draft after 1 year and 4 months of writing it, which is the longest I’ve ever worked on one piece….. and yet it is (I am absolutely certain) very average, too.
Because the fact to me is, even though I might be average on the outside, I can still live out my highs and lows on the inside. I can still be proud of myself for my personal writing landmark. I can still be thrilled to (finally) meet Margaret Cho in person. I can still hang with my flaky friend, support a friend through a mental health issue, lose a bunch of important shit, and witness the passing away of one of my clients, which are other highs and lows of this week. (Yes, those are other true tales, some of which tell themselves and others which I can’t write about right now.)
In sum: I am average on the outside, yet still grateful to be alive for all the ups and downs on the inside.
Also, on the inside…. I’m still hungover. Damn you, 30’s.
** I am inserting a photo of an adorable SPCA kitten I once fostered, taken by my friend Zoe, to inspire you to forget that this post is 1-day late, and not super incoherent. **
* And by “party” I mean, “had TWO drinks instead of ONE” while simultaneously staying out past 2am. In the future, I should probably stick to just drinking, or just staying out, not both.
** See above definition of “party.”