I watched a dear, dear, beloved friend in my life give birth to a beautiful baby last week.
If I had been tweeting my thoughts as it happened, here’s what my Twitter feed would have looked like.
@MsElisaKim: I don’t think vaginas are supposed to look like that. #hopeitdoesnthappentome
@MsElisaKim: Isn’t hair supposed to be on the OUTSIDE of the vagina? Not the INSIDE? #shudder
@MsElisaKim: I wonder if pushing feels like sitting on the toilet……
@MsElisaKim: …Except stuff is coming out of the wrong hole…..
@MsElisaKim: Eve Ensler is running through my head…. the top of the head… I can see the top of its head…. just like Eve Ensler described…. #crappypoem #vaginamonologues
@MsElisaKim: ….Either Eve Ensler is right, or that’s a weird vaginal growth.
@MsElisaKim: No, the nurse said it was the top of the head. #evewins
@MsElisaKim: The top of the head = a tennis ball. #dollsizedbaby??
@MsElisaKim: The rest of the head just came out! #lumpyhead
@MsElisaKim: @MargaretCho – “Her pussy exploded. The doctor wiped a piece of her pussy off [her] face.” #margaretchospeakstruth
@MsElisaKim: It’s dead!! OMG A DEAD PURPLE BABY JUST SLID OUT!
@MsElisaKim: The doctor and nurses aren’t worried. WHAT WILL THEY SAY WHEN THEY LEARN IT’S DEAD?!?! WHAT WILL WE TELL HER?
@MsElisaKim: OMG they’re squeezing liquid out of its mouth to rescue it because it’s dead. THIS IS SO SAD. THIS IS HORRIBLE.
@MsElisaKim: IT’S ALIVE AFTER ALL!!
@MsElisaKim: It’s alive, but it’s an ALIEN…..??
@MsElisaKim: Nurse- “She’s a perfect baby!” Me- *confused* #aliensareperfect #actlikeyouknow
@MsElisaKim: Awwww. #MommyandBabyLove