B never reads my blog. By the way.
We started a fight two days ago.
(Lights up on a car. Elisa has a cell phone perched on her shoulder, put on speaker-mode. PSA: it’s a legal way to drive “hands free” in California!)
Elisa: I have to tell you about this TED talk! So I learned….. [blah blah blah]….. and part of it reminded me of you, because the lady said… [blah blah blah]
Elisa: So what do you think?
B: Uh….. what?
Elisa: What do you think?
B: Um… I don’t know…. I’m having some trouble with this thing I’m working on….
Elisa: What are you working on?
B: This project…. so it’s kind of hard for me to listen to you.
Elisa: So you weren’t listening to me this WHOLE TIME?
B: Well, I’m not very good at multi-tasking.
Elisa: Oh my god. You could have told me before I blabbed on.
B: I’m just distracted.
Elisa: You still should have said something!
Elisa: Fine. BYE. [hangs up abruptly]
Scene 2: (Lights up on a studio. B is sitting at a desk, poring over a computer screen.)
B: Welcome back!
Elisa: Hi. It’s good to see you. (stomps off)
(Lights up on a bathroom. Spotlight is on the open bathroom door. B is speed-walking towards the bathroom door, a book in hand.)
Elisa sprints in from stage right, slipping through the bathroom door a split second before B. A book is in HER hand.
Elisa: (turning to face B from the other side of the door frame) What, I have to use the bathroom. It’s normal.
B: You better make it fast.
Elisa: (slamming the bathroom door) Whatever, I have to use it!
B: (pounding on the door) You better be FAST! I’M SERIOUS! MAKE IT FAST!
Elisa: (from inside the closed door) HA!
B: (retreating) I’M SERIOUS!
(Lights up on a kitchen. B is mopping the floor with a corner of a tissue. Elisa sits on a sofa in the next room, reading a book.)
B: (to self, loudly) Yeah, good going! Stop carrying jars by the lids! (fridge door slams) Arghh! (sound of sizzling) Oh, great. Way to burn those, too. Good going, B.
ARGHH! Not again! WHY did I do that again?? When will I ever learn??
Elisa: (imitating the sounds of screaming, eyes on her book) Why did I burn those? WHYYYYY? When will I eeeeever learnnnn????
B: What a HORRIBLE day this has been.
Elisa: (still reading) What a HORRIBLE day this has been.
B: I’ve really had bad luck. [glass breaks] OH MY GOD. NOT AGAIN.
Elisa: (still reading) OH MY GOD. NOT AGAIN. I’m SO STUPID. I can’t believe I did that. Gawd!
B: (peers around the corner and glares) You know. Would it kill you to give me a hug instead of just making fun of me?
Elisa: (sighs heavily, still looking at book)
B: Fine. Forget I asked. (retreats to kitchen)
B: (peers from around corner again) I’m just saying. It’s been a bad day.
Elisa: (throws down book)
B: I’m just saying.
Elisa: (walks slowly into the kitchen)
Elisa gives B a hug.
Everything will be OK.