Bibek left a comment on my post about open relationships, and I asked him if I could reply to it in a new post.
At first, I was a little confused by his note, because “open relationship” is a phrase I used to discuss people who date more than 1 person, outside their primary partner.
After re-reading his note, I understood that Bibek meant that he was open he’s someone in a (friend) relationship with – also a cool definition of the phrase!
OK, here we go…..
Yap i am in open relation ship with someone and i love her. We share lots of things and spent lots of time too. The best things is that our choices are same, what i like she like and what she like i like. We share lots of stuff but not kiss and sex. She is good, kind and perfect for me. I want to spent whole life with her. She is elder than me and she think that we are just only a good friend. I have not expressed yet but now she feels that i am liking her nowdays. what can i do ? Please help me Elisa.
There are two amazing things about your situation.
1. You are very honest with yourself and you know just how you feel. Many people pretend they’re “fine,” just because they are afraid of losing their crush if they ask for more.
2. You now know what it feels like to be close with someone that you care for. Remember this feeling of sharing and closeness, because you will be able to grow closer to everyone you know in the future, thanks to this relationship.
Hooray for you!
If you want to be more than friends with this woman, it sounds like the ball is in your court. So how do you serve the ball over the net?
I am a direct person. Therefore, my style is to approach these situations directly. I personally think it’s attractive to have the confidence to express yourself. (I’ve dated people I wasn’t interested in at first, just because they were brave enough to ask me out – which “planted the seed” of romance in my head.)
Your directness doesn’t have to be a love confessional. You could “directly” ask her out!
Here are examples of direct statements you could say to her, from easiest to the hardest:
~ “What would you say if I asked you out on a date?” (OK, not super direct, but it makes the point.)
~ “Do you want to go on a date sometime? [Or you can choose another romantic location – ie. “Would you want to go on a walk across the beach with me sometime?”]
~ “I think I like you as more than a friend.”
~ “I’d like to be your boyfriend. What do you think about that?”
You can see that these go from “low risk” to “high risk.” The bottom statement is a big leap. The top statement is a simple question – she can say “no,” and you could theoretically move on and forget about it.
If you bring it up while you are already laughing and having fun, it’s not weird. After all, you already have a connection.
Could she reject you? Yes. But you will pick yourself back up and keep going.
Could it work? Yes….. And you don’t know unless you ask.
Either way, you will have followed your heart, not your fear. And that is a wonderful way to live your life.
Finally: No matter what happens with her, find and nurture other (non-romantic) friendships that you can rely upon. Find people who can support you no matter what happens with this woman. You can learn to grow this close to many others – in a different, but equally amazing, way.
Good luck, Bibek!