So….. I want to keep all of my friends. Therefore…… I’m going to vaguely refer to lots of details.
My friend “Myra” (name changed so I can keep my friends) is motivated, smart, and self-aware. One special talent she has is to engage almost anyone in a conversation about almost anything. This either worked for or against us, as our little Nopalito talk collected more and more listeners, the way crumbs on the floor attract crawling babies.
Myra had to stop more than once: “I’m going to tell you this…. oh, hey, the waitresses are lingering near our table.”
At the beginning, a waitress actually said aloud, “Hmm, this conversation sounds interesting,” as she approached us at the bar.
Then, there came a point where the waitstaff was just. Plain. Afraid. To comment upon what they were overhearing. So our one waitress kept her head low as she lingered to refill our waters.
The topic of the day was relationships. Like, relationships you’re afraid to tell your therapist about because you know she’ll disapprove of your choice.
Here is some of our relationship advice to each other, loosely interpreted (again: so I can keep the trust of my friends):
1. Relationship Beginnings Need Privacy: Every relationship needs some private-time in order for the couple to get their feet on the ground. In the beginning of a romance, opening the relationship up for public scrutiny — especially in some sexual way — could damage a partnership.
2. Share a Common Set of Priorities: It’s important to share a similar lifestyle as your partner. For example, if you are someone who smokes weed everyday and drinks until 2am every night, you might have a tough time dating a button-down-shirt-wearing, 9-5pm office worker.
Philosophically speaking, there will be obvious differences….. but realistically speaking, when would you even find time to hang out with each other, with your opposite schedules?
3. Sex: Public or Private? You decide. You and your partner should share similar views on sex: when to have it, what it means, and who gets involved (conversationally speaking, although also applicable advice in other ways). If one person is really open and public about discussions about their sex life, and the other person sees this as something that should be kept between two people, that will become a core issue.
4. We fend off Real Love by settling for “fun”: When we are engaged in something we aren’t fully happy with, we close ourselves off to the possibility of finding what we really want.
Again, let’s get literal: if you’re dating someone you feel you have no future with, your Potential Love will avoid you, thinking you’re “off the market.”
Did I mask details skillfully enough? And make us sound like the extra-smart people I’m sure we are?
Here’s something I CAN share that might provide more insight into why the waitstaff started to avert their eyes each time they came to fill our glasses. During our talk, I remembered the time one of my old best friends, a former housemate, casually tossed me a stack of photos. (Back in the day of film photos.)
“Check this out, E!” he said to me. On top of the stack were photos of his lovely outing at a nearby beach. Underneath were — he swore it was an accident — photos of him in cough compromising positions cough with his partner.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I was totally traumatized. Actually, I’m still cringing, thinking about this years later.
The conversation Myra and I had, however, was refreshing as our Mexican food. Our conversation was not traumatizing at all.
Except maybe to our waitresses.
Then, Myra ate her quesadilla with a fresh corn tortilla. She loved the good ol’ combo of crumbly cotija, and melty, awesome queso fresco. (Me, I’m a meltier-cheese fan.) And I ate my delicious pozole: refreshing, not too greasy, and so abundant that I couldn’t finish my half-bowl.
To healthy, tasty food, and healthy, spicy relationships!
PS: Check it out: Nopalito is here, at 9th and Lincoln right by Golden Gate Park. It is super delicious and the waitstaff is actually quite nice.