The first guy who approached me at the club told me he was attracted to my “strength and beauty.” The second guy found out I was from San Francisco, and then mentioned he really wanted someone to show him around town. Three times. Finally, when the third guy who approached me told me I was a “powerful dancer,” I realized something was up.
I was at F8, a club in San Francisco that posts signs advertising “Consent is sexy” in its bathrooms. According to the signs, patrons should not sexually harass each other; harassment is defined as anything from “leers” to “unwanted touching.” In fact, bouncers will kick you out if you make anyone uncomfortable.
Yes, I appreciate the safe-zones that these signs create. But more importantly, what happens in a club when sexual harassment isn’t allowed, and objectification stops? You chill. You listen to music. You, you know, dance. Dance, like what should happen at a “dance club.”
And, what if you DO see an attractive stranger across the room? You can’t use your cliched canon of pick-up words: beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, hot. You can’t use your cliched canon of creepy-yet-common pick-up actions: hand grabbing, dancing without asking first, rubbing your crotch all over someone’s butt.
You get creative.
Having begun with jokes between me and my friend R. on the dance floor, I present to you 7 lines you can use to get creative in talking to that hot, sexy, gorgeous, pretty stranger, whose butt you really just want to rub your crotch all over.
The non-comprehensive list of 7 creative pickup lines:
- Hey, I just had to cross the room to tell you that you’re looking really engaging and profound in that shirt.
2. You’re such a great dancer. You really strike me as the type of person who’d call someone back within 24 hours, and always be on time, to an important appointment.
3. I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away with the fact you’ve been making direct eye contact and smiling at people all night, instead of staring at your phone.
4. Your arms look so strong. I bet you can carry at least 4 bags of groceries whenever you go dinner shopping for yourself and your family, which I bet you do all the time.
5. I like your bold sense of style. Are you just as bold in your ability to have tough conversations with friends and lovers?
6. What did you think of the last democratic debate? I’m asking because it seems like you’d have a really intelligent opinion.
7. Did you fall from heaven? Because I can tell you have a great credit score.
You might not be at the “Consent is sexy” club, but we can still learn from the people who go there how to make an approach consensual, sexy, and fun.
Boring people use boring lines. Boring people are boring in bed and beyond.
Interesting people use interesting lines. Interesting people are interesting in bed, and in relationships. Moreover, smart people want to date interesting people.
Want to meet someone who is as boring as your pickup lines? Stick with the old canon. You’ll be a great, boring match for each other.
Want to meet a fling that you can talk to afterwards– someone who’s smart, cute, and shares your sense of humor? Get creative.
So, which is it going to be? Hmmmmm?
Also: Is that a mirror in your pants? Because you’re being really reflective right now.
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