Letter to My Friend: It’s OK to Be Alone

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(a letter to my friend in hopes they will read this blog post)

Dear Old Friend,

It’s okay to be alone.  You’ve been in constant relationships since you were 12.  Perhaps you are still suffering from your last heartbreak.  That is okay.  You will be okay.

Think of all the fun you can have while you are single.  You can bike out to new mountain ridges, plant a springtime garden, laugh with friends, play the guitar.  Who cares if someone else doesn’t like those things?  You do.  And you are all you need to think about when you are single.

It’s okay to be alone.

This present moment of single-ness is your gift.  Maybe being alone reminds you of when you were little, and all you wished for was someone to hug you and say “I love you, too.”  Maybe being alone brings back your old fear that nobody ever said these words because you are unloveable and you will always be alone.  This fear is untrue.

Now is the moment to wrestle with your obstacles, your demons, your self-doubt.  Now is the time to recognize that your past has hurt you.  Now is the time to bandage yourself and heal.  Now is the time to rediscover the bright path you were always meant to be on.

A brand-new lover will distract you from this task.  A brand-new lover is a pill that will numb your pain, but wear off in a few months.  It is never easy nor fun to face your demons, but you are Hercules, remember?  If anyone can face their demons, you can.

It’s okay to be alone.

I believe in your ability to keep reaching for your dreams.  You ignored them, tossed “I don’t cares” all over them, buried them deep, because you secretly feared failing.  You will fail, but you will pick yourself back up, too.  Picking yourself back up is what will make you strong.  Picking yourself back up is something only you can do for you.

It’s okay to be alone.

You can learn to make good decisions on your own.  It’s scary for most of us, because when we make our own decisions, we have to take the responsibility for all of our consequences, which is sometimes painful.  But through the mistakes, the truth is that nobody can make better decisions for you than you.

It’s okay to be alone.  You have a voice and the world is waiting to hear it.  You don’t need to look for a new relationship to stand behind.  You are brilliant and bright and light beams from your arms and legs because you are a star.

I hope you haven’t been calling me back because you are chasing away your demons with fire, or lulling them to sleep for so long that they disappear.  I hope you are missing from my life because you are writing love songs to yourself by a new river somewhere.  I hope you are gone because you are biking around the world in search of your voice, and that you’ll wake up one morning with a poem in your mouth.

And when you’re done with all this, I hope you will look around you, at the mountains, at the oceans, at the skies, and finally, at the rest of us who are waiting for you with open hearts.

It’s okay to be alone.  But you are not alone.  

I miss you, and I hope you call me back or write me soon.



PS: Photo from this random forum of random photos.

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4 Responses to Letter to My Friend: It’s OK to Be Alone

  1. GinaBear says:

    What a beautiful letter! I love the part about acknowledging the scariness of making decisions on your own.

  2. Lonely Star says:

    I love your letter because it is well written and it describes a very important meaning and message!
    It made me cry, especially because I have an idea who your friend is and I also know someone who is just like your friend. Beautiful images in your writing; I especially loved “Light beams shoot out of your arms and legs, because you are a star.” The images of writing oneself love songs and searching the world for one’s voice are particularly meaningful because I believe that everyone needs to do these things, regardless of any relationship status.
    I have been in your friend’s position; I believe that everyone has at some point experienced the demons of loneliness and the fight to overcome fears and emotional scars.
    I hope your friend wakes with that poem in her mouth and realizes that we have open hearts to welcome her.

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